Two ways – Thanksgiving

(Other perspectives) Let’s go. 

Time stops – time flies. 

I woke up without feeling if I have even slept, remembering exactly what happened in the dream. 

The beach. Sister-in-law. Film camera. 
“You have to truly love it before buying a new camera and having a new hobby like photography,” she said. 

I really want to buy a camera, because I have seen many beautiful scenes but solely because of my low-quality phone camera, I couldn’t keep those beautiful places in photos. But the price is unaffordable. 

At least I had that happiness in my dream when I got to touch it and tried it out. Waking up without any alarm, 8:00 AM, I knew I was back in reality. Common App fee, CSS fee, ACT and TOEFL score reports fee. What do I do with all this? I would work extra, but how much extra to cover all these… 

I am in the middle – waiting for my 18 and not. Not because I have always thought that I would be independent as much as possible from my parents. Yes, I am waiting for it because I know when I am 18, I get to work, not only in here but also in Vietnam, where people can only work when they are over 18. 

The price. It teaches me to love what my parents do. It teaches me to appreciate their love. I have never actually told them, but I love them and miss them. This is Thanksgiving, and I’m staying at someone else’s place. 

Again, the price. And the applications. How much am I missing out from the world? 

I don’t know who to blame, because there is no one but my emotions are enemies. He asked why didn’t I pay my full attention on him when we get a chance to talk. I don’t know. Because I am scared that every moment I don’t work, don’t study, my future would be a blank space. 

But it would be scarier and truly blank when there is no one there. At the end of the tunnel, light doesn’t come from nowhere. It’s from the people whom I love and who love me. 

Two ways. All these relationships would end if I stop trying. 

Two ways. But if I am stuck on this lane of the road trying to pass a huge pile of deadlines, how am I supposed to cross to the other one to see my beloved friends and family. 

Two ways. I am not moving. 

I am trying, but my mind keep reminding me of what I need to do. 

What I need?

Maybe a good nigh of sleep. 

And a sense of thankfulness. 

Happy Thanksgiving. 

Hmm

I cried for a little bit today. I know why, but I also don’t really know why. It’s just there is this burden on me that I cannot carry all the time, and I got tired, and I cried. I mean, I was laughing so hard, too, when I was with people in our small groups. It was fun.

We talked about sins today. About how we all are greedy and selfish and these things make us become worse and worse in the eyes of God. We just want to put ourselves first without really considering the consequences of doing that.

That is true. I am learning to control myself. I am trying to think about a problems many times before actually saying anything. I want to solve my things with others from a more objective perspective. I use the time walking on the street to talk to myself about what others do that I am not comfortable about. I keep talking and talking until I reached my destination, and then I would stop. Nobody would know, while I would feel better. I don’t want to blame anyone, because that way I’m sinful.

Walking makes all the differences. But I guess I still need to work more on my time-management skill, because I realized I didn’t have enough time to do all of my homework today. I hope I could finish it soon, because I want to have a good night’s sleep and have enough energy for a long day tomorrow.

I cried for a bit, and know I am typing. Everything will be fine, because I have tried my best, and because there are greater things waiting for me at the end of this journey.

Good night.