A work of art

Another day of snow. A good time to write, I guess.

I would start with this:

If someone watch a day of your life on mute, what message would it speak? Would it look like a work of art?

My answer is yes and no. I cannot actually imagine my life on mute or imagine myself watching it, so I cannot actually tell.

I said yes because a big part of my life doesn’t have any sound, so it doesn’t matter if it’s on mute or not, because it would just be the same. Those are times when I read and write. When I walk and run. When I stop in the middle of the street to take photos of things. My thoughts are processed inside my head, and more than half of them is hidden. So I guess there would be no changes at all if it’s on mute. I wonder if it’s a work of art, though. I said yes because those moments when I do things alone, I direct my thinking towards God, and that’s how we define the work of art here. I pray while walking. I talk to God while doing daily things. I read the Words of God and write to praise Him. I proudly say yes, I create art for Him.

But still, there is a “no” part of it. My friend said all sins are the same in the eyes of God. It doesn’t matter if you lie or you hurt someone, because they’re all the same. They are all bad. That’s all we need to know. And as humans, we are sinful. We never learn to love our enemies. We don’t always choose God over our wants. We are given free will by God, and we thank Him by using it for ourselves, pushing us away from Him.

When my life’s on mute, I would say there will be just so many moments when I destroy my own work of art. My facial expression when I’m angry. My steps when I did not want to go to church. My ‘hunger’ (I believe that’s the right word to say this) for money when I work more than I need to. Those little things. They pile up, and eventually when I don’t notice, they destroy my piece of art.

I realize that there are just always more and more things for me to improve on in my life, or to be more artistic. I can become a better version of myself yesterday, I can just keep wanting to be better, because there would be no day that I’ll perfect. Walking step by step with Jesus is hard, but I guess the reward is worthy. Every community needs artists who are willing to live their lives towards God.

I don’t fully understand what the work of at actually is about. I would say that it’s when I love not only the person who loves me, but also my enemies. I would say that it’s when I try my best for the kingdom, not for myself. I don’t actually know.

Or maybe we don’t ever need to actually understand. The goal is to be more like God, not to be God.

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I would end with, “I don’t know”.

Hmm

I cried for a little bit today. I know why, but I also don’t really know why. It’s just there is this burden on me that I cannot carry all the time, and I got tired, and I cried. I mean, I was laughing so hard, too, when I was with people in our small groups. It was fun.

We talked about sins today. About how we all are greedy and selfish and these things make us become worse and worse in the eyes of God. We just want to put ourselves first without really considering the consequences of doing that.

That is true. I am learning to control myself. I am trying to think about a problems many times before actually saying anything. I want to solve my things with others from a more objective perspective. I use the time walking on the street to talk to myself about what others do that I am not comfortable about. I keep talking and talking until I reached my destination, and then I would stop. Nobody would know, while I would feel better. I don’t want to blame anyone, because that way I’m sinful.

Walking makes all the differences. But I guess I still need to work more on my time-management skill, because I realized I didn’t have enough time to do all of my homework today. I hope I could finish it soon, because I want to have a good night’s sleep and have enough energy for a long day tomorrow.

I cried for a bit, and know I am typing. Everything will be fine, because I have tried my best, and because there are greater things waiting for me at the end of this journey.

Good night.