Yêu thương vô hình – Invisible love

(Other perspectives) Invisible but reflective. 

As I grow older, love, to me, becomes more invisible, even though it has always been. 

I grew up in a Catholic family. My grandparents witnessed the love of God, and since then following God is what every person in my family has to do. I believe in God, so at the age of 5, I claimed to my Dad that there was no such thing as Devil, for God will never let those things present in human’s life. 

But he said there was. 

If there was no Devil, then where did all the temptations in the Bible come from? Why did people try to fool Jesus, although he had never fell once and although they knew He was the Messiah? 

Devils exist. 

Dad’s words impacted me so greatly that I always imagined besides me presenting two different parties – Devil and God, black and white. I feel confident because God protects me, but I can also feel how hard Devil is trying to make me fall. And I do fall, many times. 

Devil in a kid’s mind is simply a bad person. 

I will be 18 in 3 months. Pre-adult, I realize Devil has consumed my mind and others’ worse than I have always thought. Waking up one morning, I was upset about how small I am. 

Broken. 

Hopeless. 

Forgotten. 

That are exactly three words I wrote down in my personal note. My mind told me these are not true, but my heart kept bumping blood into my arms and hands and fingers and leading me to type them. That’s Devil’s force. 

When Love is the fundamental of creation, it also comes in a form that cannot be seen. It is invisible. I can never see my parents’ love for me if they didn’t show it: if my Mom didn’t stay up late to cook the meal I requested, or if my Dad didn’t talk to me in my sleep every early morning before he left the house. The act of caring is not Love, it is the impact of Love, but people ask for it when they see nothing. They misunderstand that Love can be presented in many different ways.  Therefore, they are more capable of thinking that oftentimes there is no Love, and people become more vulnerable. 

But Invisible Love is not the reason to stop someone from caring. Because as a person who doesn’t fully understand the important of relationship, I slowly push many people away from me with solely a reason, “I am busy,” which is not an appropriate excuse. There is no guarantee that there is still Love, because it seems that what I care is just myself. 

At the age of 17 almost 18, my life and many, many other people’s are filled with deadlines. We keep time for ourselves – our commitments, our homework, and our personal interests. Not that because we think friends are less important, but because we believe Love can be felt without actually be witnessed. We stop asking, “How are you?” and assuming that everybody is fine. 

I was fine. 

Until the day when I woke up and felt there was no Love. God loves me. But I allow Devil to be stronger in that moment. 

I jotted down words. 

and understood that Love should be seen through actions. 

How long has it been since the last time I asked someone, “How are you?”

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It has been a long time since I actually write a blog with the content goes with its title. 🙂 

It’s who you are.

It’s getting colder every day, and I am surprised about how well I have known this place.

I moved here a year ago, in tears. I wasn’t happy about this change, because I went to a good high school in Vietnam where I met all the soulmates I had ever wished for. And leaving all those memories behind was as hard as getting a cold shower on a cold day. I could do that, it was just too hard and not worth it. Jet lags, moving in, friendship, family, etc. all those things kept me from being happy. I cried a lot, and it was hard to find friends also because most of the people I know did not have the same interest as I had (indeed not many people like the same things I do). Those first days, months, and years were the transition. I told my mom I would not want my sister to leave the family at the age of sixteen, just simply because these changes would be too sensitive and she wouldn’t even an adult yet.

I thought about all those external forces that kept me from happiness.

Until I understood it who I am that makes the difference.

I was that student who went to school and went back home right after my last classes. I went home early and rested, while my housemate always took the late bus home. I supposed I was taking care of myself by sleeping a decent amount of sleep, but after a while I realized I could have done more than that.

I could have stayed after class for a while to talk to my friends. I could have played Frisbee and at the same time get to know other people. I just didn’t do that, because I didn’t have the gut to step out of my comfort zone and look around. I have missed so many, so many things before I realize they won’t last forever.

I didn’t know I was better than what I thought about myself. I wasn’t just a nerd, or just an introvert. I was someone who understand greater things other than textbooks – people, and I was someone who know deeper feelings other than just her own. I got involved more in clubs and classes. I talked more and noticed more. Instead of staying in the library doing home work while having lunch, I would sit in the dining hall so that others would see me and talk to me. These little changes that I made for myself worked and led me to have closer friends who know me on a deeper level and whom I shared more of myself.

My current school would have been different. I wouldn’t feel the joy of going to school if it is not a community that embraces me whenever I am there. But this joy is what I seek, because I challenge myself a little every day to step out of my comfort zone, to stop reading books (although I still) and start reading people.

I see great stories in people’s eyes, and I know this is a great choice.

No matter where I would end up being, I have earned great experiences that I would want to make the community I am going to a home.

Mini cocoa mug

It is beautiful the way it is.

Saturday’s afternoon – a day for relaxation, a day for friendships to grow.

But when it comes to art, music, or knowledge, I often spend time on my own. I want to step out of the crowd to enjoy them myself.

We went to CreativiTea in Fair Heaven, and together each of us decorated a pottery cup. My very first idea was to draw the universe, for I love the Sun, the planets and stars so much. I painted it half black and half white, but it did not turn out the way I wanted it to be. I looked around and saw how my friends had creative ideas, and their mugs are cute with pandas, cactus, or roses. Others chose to make things simple like writing their names. All are cure. Except mine.

I struggled for more than 2 hours. I couldn’t draw details because I couldn’t control the amount of paint on my mug. So I put layers on top of each other – black, white, and black and white. In my mind, I would have to use this mug for maybe the rest of my life, so I want it to be cute so that whenever I see it, I’m happy that I have made one. Therefore, I aimed for perfection. And I felt jealous about people around me.

At the end, my name appeared on the mug without any universe. It is actually how I wanted it to be at last. However, the main purpose of going to CreativiTea – to hang out with friends – I did not achieve. I should have talked to my friends more. I should have complimented them with their artsy mugs, because it showed their beautiful souls, rather than focusing on my own. At the end of the day, it’s not the physical works that make me feel happy about my day, but it’s the spiritual relationship that I was supposed to tighten with my people.

“It’s beautiful the way it is.”

That was what my friend told me when I complained about my own mini cocoa mug. It’s beautiful because we have been there together, not because we made something perfect.

I should have understood it sooner. The moment I walked into CreativiTea.