I have liked many guys. To be honest, I have never gone through a time when I don’t have anyone I try to hang out or get to know on the intimate level. There has never been a time when I don’t feel romantic attraction to someone else.
But I rarely do anything about it. I rarely act on it.
I like having doors open, while I’m too lazy to anchor myself to a specific person or place.
I dream about the faraway lands. I always wonder what would happen if I’ not here but somewhere else.
Right now, I’m on the second floor of camp. And you know what I’m thinking? “People on the third floor are doing something fun and I’m not a part of it.” “The guys in the other building are playing badminton and soccer and such and I’m not a part of it.” “My friends nextdoor are playing card games and spending the night talking about life and I’m not a part of it.”
I have always thought if Fear Of Missing Out is real (which it is), I’m not a part of it. But now I think I do have serious problems here. I always feel like an outsider and always neglect what I do have, longing for what I don’t have. That’s a bad thing if it happens all the time. If it is at the root of my relationships and my choices, it’s something I have to work on. To be content and to make the most out of whatever I have at hand.