I took a deep breath and then started typing…
“Are you guys being cautious lately? Have you been hanging out with a lot of people?”
This is one among the many similar conversations I have had in the past six months. “Can you wear a mask when we meet?” “Can we stay six feet apart?” “Can we just not meet? I’m a little bit anxious, so this might be the best way to navigate through it.”
Usually, these conversations end up well, even though I at times still had nightmare about my decisions to go out with someone. What if this is it? What if in a little bit I come back spreading the thing?”
Today, I was sort of invited to a dinner with my roommates/host family’s friends. I took a long time to decide, not because I feared they would transmit the freaking virus, but because I was not accustomed to talking to some strangers over a long period of time. My host convinced me so I made up my mind to come, and then, boom, out of nowhere, the friends said they don’t want me to be there because they are being cautious.
- We are all in the same household! If anyone is in contact with my roommates/host family, they are basically breathing my air.
- The amount of time I go outside in a week is significantly less than my roommates’ times cut in half. I have always been cautious. I have always tried my best.
“It’s not logical,” I groaned.
“I know, but it’s anxiety, and there’s no dose of logic can make a difference.”
Ok. Fine. It’s totally cool.
So I ended up laying around, reading my book and reading people’s blog and thinking about the good time. In a way, I’m glad that the person was honest and straight up about it. It’s the kind of things you have to talk about nowadays, and it’s this kind of openness that save you from being anxious. It’s the decision that has many unexpected outcomes. On the other hand, I’m still bad at being clear about this to my friends. I think I’ll have to be more truthful about how I feel.
After all, I’m a Vietnamese. Far from home but still get that extreme mentality towards Covid-19.