I’m anxious again, by those tiny little things.
I’m leaving Bellingham tomorrow with a final project still hanging on my head. And I am anxious because I’m afraid of what’s lying ahead. Two weeks. Would it be fun? Would it be good? Or would it leave me fear of coming back?
I have no reason for these thoughts, but yes I am still anxious. What would be waiting for me?
My family, of course. But I think that would just be it. My family is great, but I am anxious. They might say something that makes me feel super offended. They might say something that is unsupportive. They might hurt my feelings just because I have been so far away from them. I have been half the world away.
I am sad and excited at the same time. I don’t know what it would feel like being back home again this time — when I am no longer just like me before. I am officially 18, which doesn’t matter that much, but being 18 in a different country means I have changed so much and I am still changing. Would my voice be heard on the dinner table? Would what I think and say matter? Would I be treated as a kid anymore?
I am sad, because I know part of going back, even for just a short time, is to lose a bit of my privacy and freedom. I would wake up and might see a bunch if people in my room, and that’s annoying. But that’s okay.
I would still be excited. I am anxious and I would take it because I know this is a good way to test myself. How would I behave as a child being back to her home country?