Another day of another month

It’s the thirteenth day of the second month of the year and I’m not getting anything done the way I want it to be done.

I’m not reading enough. I do read the Bible daily, but I don’t actually understand even half of what I have been reading. The words, the stories, and the writing style are just so, so hard for me to keep up with what are going on. I know I need to be persist, right?

A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in him. – Matthew 12:35 NIV

I need to keep storing up good things to me, which in this case are God’s words. But I feel discouraged at times, especially when I try to put them in practice.

Love your enemies.

Love others.

Build your life on rock but not sand.

Walk with Jesus.

These are things I need to do and want to do, but under any circumstances it’s easier said than done.

Lately I don’t read anything other than textbooks and the Bible. Perhaps that’s acceptable, but in the situation when I don’t even get what’s going on in these things I read on a daily basis, I feel as though I’m screwed.

What should I do to build an inner life that I have always desire for? The life filled with love and knowledge, with understanding of not only myself but also others. The life filled with joy and excluding sorrow.

How can I have such a rich inner life when I keep wanting materials? Social media. Relationships. Academic success. I never cared about shoes or clothes or followers, but now I do, and I know that is not good. I want to have more of this and more of that, while at the end of the day realizing how empty my day have been.

It’s the thirteenth day of the second month of the year. I forgot to read daily. I forgot to take care of myself and try my best. I always let myself give excuses to refuse fulfilling responsibilities. I just become someone I wouldn’t like.

But tomorrow will be a different day, perhaps. It’s the fourteenth, and I will start all over again. It’s just never too late to be begin again.