I have been thinking a lot about what I should write. Should I write regularly about random things, or should I focus on one writing project at a time and try to expand on it. This is a question I never have the answer. Writing consistently is what I know I am supposed to do. I know about that “first shitty draft” where nothing is complete, but at least there is something to later be the concrete foundation of all other important ideas developed from there.
But I am exhausted.
The weather is not quite good these days. Sometimes I feel happy, but sometimes I cannot do anything. I manage to control myself very well during the day when being responsible for all these commitments – classes, work, and relationships, for instance – but by the time I am with myself, I have nothing left.
And then, what am I supposed to do?
I stop writing for the past few days, not because I think I don’t need to write, but rather because I need it so much that I don’t want to just do it without truly thinking about what to put on pages. I want to write about my days because I have been busy enough to have many intriguing stories to share. However, as I sit down and start typing, my heart keeps saying, “This is not the time.”
I procrastinate. My days start at 7 and end at 9. “I manage my schedule well” does not mean I am doing all the things that I love.
I will just stop here.
But hold on, I do do one thing that I truly love. I read consistently. I think reading is how I learn to write again.