Tilted, again

The train will stop eventually. 

Bad grade. Finals. I have been doing so well, why at the very last minute, the most important moment, I gave up? I could have tried quite a bit more, could I?

93.89%: A-
94% is an A,
how far these are away. 

I tilted my head. Why? 

It was funny when at the moment I feel bad, I also feel relieve, because that final is over – I cannot worry about it anymore even though the result turned out to be not as good. I also feel relieve the moment my friend announced that she was admitted to the school she had always wanted to go to. After all, there has to be a balance between all these things. I might not be happy, but she is, so that’s good. I cannot always be satisfied about my grades, and it’s the time that my friend’s effort pay off. I am happy for her. 

Now it’s my turn to take care of my application. 

I think the more I live on my own, the more I am worried about things that actually don’t need to be worried about. I overreact when something goes out of track, and this actually leave bad effects on my health and my daily activities. I should be more relaxing. Everything, yes, everything, will be fine. I have done my best. No I have not. But can I change anything, though? No. Then I have done my best is a positive way of thinking. 

I want to be grateful for today and tomorrow. 

I actually got to spend a lot of time today to hang out with my friends. I got to know how humorous some of them are. Sophia and Mong Ting are going home over the break, and I was happy because they actually came found me to say goodbye. Tasha went on a walk and had ramen for lunch with me. Ben treated me and Ivy ice cream, as a way to celebrate the end of this quarter and to comfort me with my bad grade. I learned Chinese with them for quite a bit (Ben know 5 languages), didn’t realize how bad my writing skill had been. There are many, many other friends that I hung out with today that I feel thankful for, and that if I continue doing my own work – study and work – I will never get to do anything with them. 

After all, the things that actually make me feel good about myself and others is how tight the bonding between us are. 

Today, this is not just a normal journal. 

Today, I write this to remind myself to love what I have. To try my best but also look back to what I have done so far. 
It’s one of my world’s wonder. 

Published by Thi Le


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